ADHD, distress tolerance, and task avoidance
How they feed into each other, and tips to cope
Attention deficits are just the tip of the iceberg
Last updated: 11/29/21
ADHD, or Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder is infamous for its ability to rob people of their attention, but what if I told you that the disorder is so much more? I have been plagued by undiagnosed attention deficits for most of my life, but since my inception as a Perpetual Education student, I have been made aware of other symptoms of my ADHD.
Namely, task avoidance and distress intolerance. The bane of my existence.
Not only does it derail productivity (or make it impossible on really bad days) but it is a significant contributor to my depression, anxiety, and poor self-esteem. I remember the days of worrying if I would ever understand the syntax of HTML, CSS, PHP, or other programming languages! I almost miss those days.
Now, I am concerned if I will ever be able to overcome my own neurology so I can put the skills I have fought so hard to learn to consistent use (without distractions or self-doubt about my own ability).
These are feelings and thoughts generated by cognitive distortions. Thanks to some CBT(cognitive behavioral therapy) techniques and conversations with my friend Derek, I have gained insight into these and other cognitive distortions. But why do I feel this way to begin with?
ADHD rears its ugly head
These issues aren’t character flaws due to character flaws, like laziness, like I always thought they were. Instead, they are a result of my unique neurology. People with ADHD are notorious for their inability to finish some tasks while others go unfinished, or not even started. Just see the ADHD iceberg below to get a more in-depth understanding of all the issues that combine to form ADHD.
Pay close attention to the skill deficits and time blindness.
Not enough people, patients, and even Doctors pay attention to the content underneath the iceberg. To be fair, you cant name things that you aren’t aware of. Time blindness manifests in my life by distorting how I perceive time. When a task is particularly cognitively demanding, it can FEEL LIKE HOURS have passed but really it’s only been 5 minutes.
For less cognitively demanding tasks (Like mindlessly scrolling Instagram), time passes by very quickly, and focus flows like a strong river. This is one of the most mind-boggling (pun intended) aspects of ADHD. Focus just seems to come much easier relative to other areas.
The reason some tasks feel more difficult than others is due to skill deficits. I definitely struggle in this area, especially the organization/planning/problem-solving area. The moment I feel frustrated (or restless, that’s a big one) the phone comes out! and I’m scrolling, or checking the weather, anything to escape the icky feelings of discomfort.
To the ADHD mind (at least mine!), frustration is perceived as being mentally deficient. It triggers the feelings of not being enough/stupid/*insert negative feeling* that we all encountered growing up in schools or at home.
If you saw my case study you know I am currently working on the content for my personal website. Or I should be at least. Instead, I have been doing some work here and there (or stresslaxing), or struggling to finish writing this blog post… but have mostly been avoiding it. And being super depressed and anxious about it too. This leads me to my next topic: distress (in)tolerance.
What is distress tolerance?
As the name implies, distress tolerance is the ability of an individual to tolerate distress.
Distress tolerance is a person's ability to manage actual or perceived emotional distress. It also involves being able to make it through an emotional incident without making it worse.
-https://www.verywellmind.com/distress-tolerance-2797294
The “without making it worse” part is especially important. Like I mentioned, when I am feeling distressed I have a tendency for a number of maladaptive coping mechanisms. Like most people, I turn to my phone (or daydream) when I am feeling anxious. This is a prime example of making things worse, as switching tasks breaks my attention and makes things take much longer than they should.
When I remember, I shut my phone off and keep it in my bag while working. When I am feeling distressed, I either go for a walk, do some pushups, or reach out to a friend. All this helps me remember that distress is a feeling, not a final destination.
What is task avoidance?
Task avoidance (much like distress tolerance) is yet another self-explanatory term. We all have tasks we avoid, but for people with ADHD, the avoidance runs stronger and deeper. Avoiding difficult tasks comes as second nature to me as breathing does. And this is mostly due to me accessing underutilized parts of my brain, as well as how I view the task(viewing it as more difficult than it really is).
For example, this blog post. I avoided writing (and finishing it) despite having a majority of it previously outlined. Not only did it take too long to write (because of ADHD.. taking too many breaks!) but how I viewed the task changed over time. The longer the task took, the less rewarding I found it to be. And the likelihood that I would finish it in the first place greatly decreased.
To use terms introduced to me by Derek, Task avoidance often takes the form of two unique phenomena: yak shaving and bikeshedding.
“Shaving a Yak” means performing a seemingly endless series of small tasks that must be completed before the next step in the project can move forward.
The term “bikeshedding” refers to the tendency for a committee to spend time discussing the most trivial and easily-understood aspects of a design, rather than focusing on the important fundamentals.-https://medium.com/machine-words/yak-shaving-and-bikeshedding-e3052f51234
In regards to yak shaving, My brain tricks me into believing that if I get the tasks that I consider lower-hanging fruit done: i.e doing my laundry, cooking, replying to an email… only then will I be able to focus on that dreaded task. Of course, this rarely turns out to be the case. The task never gets done (or gets done but not completely) and just leads to guilt and further depression and anxiety.
Bike shedding manifests itself when I am tackling web development projects. For example, let’s say my buddy Derek gives me a mockup of a layout to recreate. If I am bikeshedding, I would focus(and spend too much time) on choosing the correct image or colors. While these things are certainly important, they are not the most important thing to do.
How to cope
This list is not exhaustive as I am still learning coping techniques but here is what I am currently experimenting with.
Cognitive-behavioral therapy. I really like this CBT workbook
Making a highly detailed list of steps to complete the task.
In terms of level of detail, compare it to a food recipe. Also, someone else should be able to follow along with the list. I.E. If you wanted to make pancakes, you wouldn’t tell someone to get a bowl and throw eggs, flour, and milk in it.. would you? Hopefully, you would systematically tell them (step by step) the necessary steps to take to have delicious homemade pancakes (or waffles, those are better).
Self-soothing techniques. Things to do during moments of stress.
Remove yourself from the situation
If writing code (or a blog post) is stressing me out, I go for a walk. More often than not, I feel better when I return. Sometimes, the solution to the problem (or problem(s) in other aspects of my life) comes to me.
Healthy distractions
Instead of reaching for the phone to mindlessly scroll on social media when I am feeling distressed, I find that strategic snacking/sipping helps (thanks to Dr. Appleton for the tip). For every paragraph or block of code I write, I reward myself with a snack or sip of whatever.
Calming music/static noise
Environmental noise can be a major source of distraction and stress for me. I almost always have a room fan going, because it blocks out the noise outside my room/outside my home. I also like to listen to noises of rain or instrumental music. I even made a playlist so I can just focus on the task at hand, instead of picking things to listen to.
At the end of the day
The task needs to get done. It doesn’t need to be perfect, and you can always go back and revise it. But spending too much time doing the wrong things just leads to missed deadlines, undermined potential and self-esteem. You aren’t defined by your symptoms or missed deadlines, and help is available to you.
But you first must be aware of the full scope of the problem. So be honest with yourself, are you fully aware of the extent of how your ADHD affects you, either personally or professionally? What would you tell someone in your shoes?